Many of us have spent considerable amounts of our time and energy in distinguishing ourselves from everyone else. For as many fields or activities as we can imagine, someone or several someones find ways to be different.

It’s not always about being better. In the case of art, for instance, taste is the criterion. Rembrandt’s art isn’t better than Van Gogh’s or Picasso’s. Their styles are entirely different and it becomes your preferences for one or the other. The same can be said for music, food, or any other time that the taste fairy appears.

What’s fascinating to me is when we outgrow the need to be like everyone else and we strive to be distinct. Take a class of second graders. Everyone wants to be the first in line. We all need to have the same type of backpack, lunch box, athletic shoes, and winter jackets.

All you need to do is be outside the norm and you’re subject to teasing, ostracism, harassment, or ridicule. While some young people don’t care about such treatment and defend their rights to be different, most won’t take that chance.

In middle and high school, situations begin to change. We begin to see daring hair styles and a cornucopia of footwear. Although electronics are ubiquitous, talents outside proficiency with this device or that one become visible. Is the change simply a matter of maturity or is it something else?

Watching young people learn, I think that there is quite a bit more pressure to conform than to be individuals. Math is finite and leaves little room for interpretation. But my kids have art and music, only once a week each. It’s not until third or fourth grade that compositions are introduced. And kids who find ways to amuse themselves in any setting are considered weird or strange.

My goal is to give students to create projects that they envision, with the tools that I provide. These can be feathers, stickers, ribbon, pom-poms, or crayons. But it only works toward the goal of creativity because there are no “bad” pieces of art. If we can begin as early as possible to emphasize what makes you special, we are doing our jobs. As far as I am concerned, let the math teachers do what they do best and leave it to others of us to foster individuality. Shalom.

The class consisted of special needs and learning-disabled students. This was not a new situation – much of my experience included interacting with students who had every imaginable need.

Normally, I find methods to encourage students to speak with me or otherwise engage. But this little boy would not. Nothing worked and I continued to implement new strategies.

At recess, he refused to come in with other students and continued to swing on the monkey bars. He decided when he wanted his snack, regardless of what the class was doing. Finally, when I spoke to him, he would deliver the evil eye or cover himself with his jacket to avoid me.

Responsible and caring educators simply don’t give up on a stubborn student. Several times, I walked up next to him and made a request for behavior modification (in terms that he would understand). Other times, I would avoid the eye contact that he was desperate to eliminate.

But it helps greatly to believe in miracles. My little friend spent some time with a social worker and came back a different person. More precisely, I remained the same person and he realized that I was an ally, not an adversary. He asked me to help him with his writing, complained that no-one would play with him at recess, and delivered copious high-fives after jumping off his swing to join the class at the end of recess. Later, I assisted him with at least two projects and played tic-tac-toe with him while my colleague worked to boot his Chromebook.

Is there a lesson or a moral to the story? There are several. One is a favorite expression of mine – trust your gut. If you know you’re doing what is right, positive outcomes will ensue. Beyond that, communicating your affection and concern for a child (or anyone else) will make extraordinary outcomes inevitable. And later, I realized that he wanted to exhibit good behavior all along but needed to validate his resources before doing so. I’m very glad that I was there for him. Shalom.

A book that I finished yesterday included a phrase that has remained with me and will continue to do so. It appears in various forms throughout the internet but the gist of it is that the heart remembers those details and experiences that the brain forgets. This is a powerful statement, especially if you have experienced a tragedy that you cannot remember in detail.

What types of experiences or memories does the brain delete? My guess is that these are events that include pain, loss, tragedy, or any type of situation that is equated with sadness or trauma. After an accident many years ago where I was tossed from a horse, I asked my physician why I was unable to remember many of the details. At that time, I was told that it’s common for the brain to block those events or circumstances that we find tragic or painful.

When asked why I am so dedicated to researching and documents of the Shoah (Holocaust), I often reply that the world must never forget the atrocities of Nazi Germany. Many of the details that I have acquired about the Shoah have been filed away somewhere in my brain for when they are needed; but my heart will never stop hurting for the unspeakable events that took place.

And so it goes for those loved ones whom we have lost. We may remember days or moments spent with that person but our hearts have competently captured enduring feelings. It is probably a good thing that we are unable to remember specifics about those events or crises that were important to our lives. At the same time, I am grateful for the memories of good times, evidence of shared love, and an aura of comfort associated with that person or people.

Trust your heart to remember what you brain does not. Some of what remains in our hearts is soothing and provides solace. May your memories be sources of blessings and comfort. Shalom.